So, for the last two weeks I've been a member of Match.com. In searching for possible men to date I notice a lot of them want women several years to 20 or so years younger than they are. Some of them have headings like, "TurkeyNeck" or "DivorcedTwice" or some other heading that does not entice you to check out their profiles. Some of them say only a few things about themselves, for instance, "Sweet attentive man trying to find a best friend". That doesn't work for me. Why advertise yourself using as few words as possible?
Now, on the positive side, some men write at least a paragraph about themselves, want women within their age group and don't have chaotic facial hair or are posing bare chested (the only two men who have messaged me are the one named "TurkeyNeck" and someone who looks like Yosemite Sam).
I'm wondering if I should put on my profile that I only like short facial hair that is groomed, no bare chests in photos and don't contact me if have a freckle fetish -- yep, that's happened to me before too.
Dating sucks. It's hard for me to have any enthusiasm about going on dates. I am on Match.com because I moved to a new city and don't have friends who can hang out with me more than once every couple of weeks. Loneliness is very difficult and I don't want to stay in its grip. Trying to find someone on Match.com is a last-ditch effort by me to have companionship. Maybe it's the platform, but I haven't seen anyone I'm attracted to and seems interesting. And maybe my self-esteem isn't that great right now either, which means I'm not confident that I can hold a man's interest.
My friend Karen tells me I should just go on coffee-dates with a few of the Match.com members and maybe I will. I'd rather meet someone at the Y or at PACC or any of the other places I frequent but the women outnumber the men by a wide margin at most places I go to. Why is that, I wonder? Are men sitting at home watching TV or working or ?
To be continued....
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Monday, September 5, 2016
Pets and the Humans Who Love Them
I spent the day around animals yesterday. I volunteered as an adoption counselor at the local animal care center. Then I came home to my dog and three cats. There's nothing like a dog who is happy to see you. I'm not sure how Honey spend her time when I'm gone except that sometimes I've come home to find various things scattered on the floor. I now make sure things are up where she can't reach them if they might be at all interesting to a dog.
It makes me happy to help people pick out their new cats or dogs and to see these animals go to homes. When people come in I greet them and ask them if they are looking to adopt. I ask them if they know what they are looking for and then help them if I am able. Sometimes people are very open to a type, age, etc. Many times people only want puppies or kittens. Occasionally people come in wanting seniors or the difficult-to-adopt. The center needs all of these people!
The center is usually overflowing with animals who we are trying to find homes for. It takes a certain mindset to contain your sadness or anger about the animals who have lived in the center a long time. I have to remind myself that humans can only do what they can with the money, information, etc. that they are given and sometimes it means they give up their pets. It also takes a certain amount of willpower not to adopt those "last-chance" animals. I know because I just adopted one two weeks ago.
There are a few things I'd like to impart to pet owners if I may. Please spay or neuter your pets. Really, there's no excuse with low or no-cost spay and neuter clinics. Overpopulation is very real and you may not notice it until you go to all the many shelters, centers, rescue groups, sanctuaries, etc.
Secondly, just like with health care for people nowadays, it pays to research ways to keep your pet healthy and, if the pet has an illness, ways to care for it within your budget. For instance, I know how to buy grain-free pet food cheaper now through Chewy.com and through sales. Also, I learned that there was $25 per vial insulin rather than the $175 per vial insulin that the doctor was selling me. The doctor did not give me other options. They often won't. They are not necessarily concerned with your budget. This is where it pays to ask questions and research information online and through networking.
Pets are not "until" animals. You shouldn't have them until you move to Florida or get a boyfriend. You shouldn't have them until you they no longer fit into your lifestyle. They have feelings and bond to us humans when we give them food, water, affection and entertainment. Luckily, they are resilient too and will survive the very stressful environment of the animal shelter. But, still, the sooner we get them out of there the better.
It makes me happy to help people pick out their new cats or dogs and to see these animals go to homes. When people come in I greet them and ask them if they are looking to adopt. I ask them if they know what they are looking for and then help them if I am able. Sometimes people are very open to a type, age, etc. Many times people only want puppies or kittens. Occasionally people come in wanting seniors or the difficult-to-adopt. The center needs all of these people!
The center is usually overflowing with animals who we are trying to find homes for. It takes a certain mindset to contain your sadness or anger about the animals who have lived in the center a long time. I have to remind myself that humans can only do what they can with the money, information, etc. that they are given and sometimes it means they give up their pets. It also takes a certain amount of willpower not to adopt those "last-chance" animals. I know because I just adopted one two weeks ago.
There are a few things I'd like to impart to pet owners if I may. Please spay or neuter your pets. Really, there's no excuse with low or no-cost spay and neuter clinics. Overpopulation is very real and you may not notice it until you go to all the many shelters, centers, rescue groups, sanctuaries, etc.
Secondly, just like with health care for people nowadays, it pays to research ways to keep your pet healthy and, if the pet has an illness, ways to care for it within your budget. For instance, I know how to buy grain-free pet food cheaper now through Chewy.com and through sales. Also, I learned that there was $25 per vial insulin rather than the $175 per vial insulin that the doctor was selling me. The doctor did not give me other options. They often won't. They are not necessarily concerned with your budget. This is where it pays to ask questions and research information online and through networking.
Pets are not "until" animals. You shouldn't have them until you move to Florida or get a boyfriend. You shouldn't have them until you they no longer fit into your lifestyle. They have feelings and bond to us humans when we give them food, water, affection and entertainment. Luckily, they are resilient too and will survive the very stressful environment of the animal shelter. But, still, the sooner we get them out of there the better.
Sunday, September 4, 2016
Come to Your Senses
I'm reading a book about a woman who lives in the dark because of photosensitivity. It got me thinking about my own sensitivity, which is to lack of light. I have a type of illness--depression--which gets worse if I don't have regular sunshine. I moved to the Southwest because of it.
Here's what Seasonal Affective Disorder feels like. At first it's just a minor glitch in my day. It's raining so I don't go out for a walk. I go to the Y instead. The endorphins caused by the workout help me to feel better. I aim to go out when it stops raining because I know I need the sun even though filtered through clouds.
Days go by. Fog rolls in and stays for a while, as it tends to do in the Willamette Valley. Or the clouds cover the sun. Or it rains, for what seems like forever or just off and on. I complain to my friends about it, try to exercise at the gym, start sleeping more and notice I really want to eat a lot of carbohydrates and get lazy. On some days I let myself.
I start to feel really run-down. I don't feel my confident-self anymore. Do others notice I'm not myself? I wish I could hibernate. But I know that I have to push myself to do all the stuff that would normally come easily. It's such an effort. It sometimes feels not very worthwhile.
Late December into January. Am I going a little crazy? I feel like I could cry at odd moments. I am on Prozac all the time but in the winter I double the dose, with my doctor's permission. This makes me unable to cry even though I feel on the edge of tears quite often. In very bad winters, I start to go into psychosis mode--familiar surroundings start to feel unreal, confusing and threatening. I don't feel in control of my thoughts and feelings anymore. I'm suddenly very sensitive to normal everyday things that wouldn't normally phase me. I worry that something is wrong with my mind.
The psychosis thing doesn't happen every year--thank God. At this stage I have looked for therapists to talk to or have gone to online forums to discuss SAD with others who have it. My friends know I have it but it's not something we really talk about. I don't say, "Yep, my world seems unreal today. How are you doing?" Sometimes pretending everything is fine is a coping mechanism that works for a while.
There are some real effective ways to cope and some "I need relief right now" ways to cope and everything in between. I really did try to eat well, get regular sleep, exercise, plan activities away from home and plan trips to visit sunny locations in the winter. Working full-time helped as it kept me busy and distracted.
The other day I was sitting in my car and I felt that dull edge of depression and I thought, "Well, it's not just SAD then" which I kind of knew but since this is my first time living out of the northwest it's a discovery process too. It's something I will have to keep an eye on all the time. Just maybe not so much now.
Here's what Seasonal Affective Disorder feels like. At first it's just a minor glitch in my day. It's raining so I don't go out for a walk. I go to the Y instead. The endorphins caused by the workout help me to feel better. I aim to go out when it stops raining because I know I need the sun even though filtered through clouds.
Days go by. Fog rolls in and stays for a while, as it tends to do in the Willamette Valley. Or the clouds cover the sun. Or it rains, for what seems like forever or just off and on. I complain to my friends about it, try to exercise at the gym, start sleeping more and notice I really want to eat a lot of carbohydrates and get lazy. On some days I let myself.
I start to feel really run-down. I don't feel my confident-self anymore. Do others notice I'm not myself? I wish I could hibernate. But I know that I have to push myself to do all the stuff that would normally come easily. It's such an effort. It sometimes feels not very worthwhile.
Late December into January. Am I going a little crazy? I feel like I could cry at odd moments. I am on Prozac all the time but in the winter I double the dose, with my doctor's permission. This makes me unable to cry even though I feel on the edge of tears quite often. In very bad winters, I start to go into psychosis mode--familiar surroundings start to feel unreal, confusing and threatening. I don't feel in control of my thoughts and feelings anymore. I'm suddenly very sensitive to normal everyday things that wouldn't normally phase me. I worry that something is wrong with my mind.
The psychosis thing doesn't happen every year--thank God. At this stage I have looked for therapists to talk to or have gone to online forums to discuss SAD with others who have it. My friends know I have it but it's not something we really talk about. I don't say, "Yep, my world seems unreal today. How are you doing?" Sometimes pretending everything is fine is a coping mechanism that works for a while.
There are some real effective ways to cope and some "I need relief right now" ways to cope and everything in between. I really did try to eat well, get regular sleep, exercise, plan activities away from home and plan trips to visit sunny locations in the winter. Working full-time helped as it kept me busy and distracted.
The other day I was sitting in my car and I felt that dull edge of depression and I thought, "Well, it's not just SAD then" which I kind of knew but since this is my first time living out of the northwest it's a discovery process too. It's something I will have to keep an eye on all the time. Just maybe not so much now.
Saturday, September 3, 2016
Reading
Reading is probably the most consistent activity I engage in. I spend more time at it than I do eating or drinking or exercising but not as much time as when I'm sleeping or working full-time. I probably read more than I do housework--which I've always wanted to change but I just can't seem to (I don't live in filth-it's just that I need to pick up after myself better and dust more!).
I read so many books that I oftentimes forget I've read a particular one and start reading it again a year or so later. And that's okay because you find new things in a book the second or third or fourth time around.
I'm currently reading "Girl in the Dark" by Anna Lindsey. The author has a disease which forces her to spend most of her time in a windows-blacked-out bedroom. Can you imagine what that is like? Lindsey takes us through her days and her thoughts and feelings. She also talks about the onset of the disease and her relationships with people. She was a writer before the onset of the disease and she's quite good at narrative non-fiction. In her dark room, she plays books on tapes and word games in her head most of the time. I'm only a third of the way in and will probably finish the book by tomorrow morning because it's not that substantial.
Anyway, though, I feel so fortunate that I enjoy reading as much as I do. It's mostly free--stuff from the library, stuff on the computer--and it is soul-satisfying in ways that other activities are not. That said, I cannot live on reading alone; I know when it's time to put down the book or magazine or computer and go to the YMCA or clean my kitchen or go walk the dog.
Questions for you:
What do you get out of reading?
Who are your favorite authors? favorite subjects?
Have you ever read a book and thought, "How could someone be that great a writer?" If so, explain.
Happy Reading!
Thursday, September 1, 2016
Checkout Charity--What Do You Think?
Checkout Charity--when they ask you for a buck or two while you're checking out at the grocery store. Usually for prostate cancer or breast cancer or MS or something. What do you think about this practice? Well, here are my thoughts.
I think it benefits the brands or organizations--these places we shop--a lot. They are giving money to various charities in their names but using the dollars donated by customers. Reminds me of when I'd work at places and United Way would come in and give big presentations asking us to donate a part of our bi-weekly checks. I always wanted to yell out, "Why are you asking us? We make a dollar or two over minimum wage, at best. Why don't you ask the people who make money off our work--the upper management, owners, stockholders, etc? They are the ones who get to humble-brag about how much their workplace gives back to the community and tell reporters who they are doing good in the world (while make tons of money and not paying their workers appropriate wages). Also, don't forget these companies get a huge tax write-off for donating. Wouldn't you rather get that for yourself?
Another thing I'd like to know: where are the checks and balances sheets? How do we know this money does indeed go to what is said? Also, don't forget these companies get a huge tax write-off for donating. Wouldn't you rather get that for yourself?
Just yesterday, I went to Lowe's for some paint and some clearance-priced garden stuff. After checking out I was stopped by someone who wanted my checking account information right then and there to commit me to giving "just $30 a month" to help children. I said," I don't feel comfortable giving you that information. Is there a website I can go to?" The answer was a resounding no. He was here just for the day and he got credit for signing people up. Now, who doesn't want to help children?? But I wasn't born yesterday.
Sometimes I just want to stop going to stores and shop online. Hey, wait, have they started asking for donations at online shopping sites yet?
I think it benefits the brands or organizations--these places we shop--a lot. They are giving money to various charities in their names but using the dollars donated by customers. Reminds me of when I'd work at places and United Way would come in and give big presentations asking us to donate a part of our bi-weekly checks. I always wanted to yell out, "Why are you asking us? We make a dollar or two over minimum wage, at best. Why don't you ask the people who make money off our work--the upper management, owners, stockholders, etc? They are the ones who get to humble-brag about how much their workplace gives back to the community and tell reporters who they are doing good in the world (while make tons of money and not paying their workers appropriate wages). Also, don't forget these companies get a huge tax write-off for donating. Wouldn't you rather get that for yourself?
Another thing I'd like to know: where are the checks and balances sheets? How do we know this money does indeed go to what is said? Also, don't forget these companies get a huge tax write-off for donating. Wouldn't you rather get that for yourself?
Just yesterday, I went to Lowe's for some paint and some clearance-priced garden stuff. After checking out I was stopped by someone who wanted my checking account information right then and there to commit me to giving "just $30 a month" to help children. I said," I don't feel comfortable giving you that information. Is there a website I can go to?" The answer was a resounding no. He was here just for the day and he got credit for signing people up. Now, who doesn't want to help children?? But I wasn't born yesterday.
Sometimes I just want to stop going to stores and shop online. Hey, wait, have they started asking for donations at online shopping sites yet?
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
So Much Has Happened in the Last Six Years!
Me and Honey
I have let this blog slowly rot while I was living my life. Not sure why I did that because I really love to write. I'm not the most disciplined person, though, and have to often go outside my house to get stuff done (don't exercise at home but can do it at the local Y, etc).
Anyway....a lot has happened in the last six years. My daughter grew up and moved away. I changed careers...unsuccessfully. I moved to Tucson, Arizona from Eugene, Oregon and bought a house. My parents died within a few weeks of each other and I visited them more often in their time of decline. It's hard to see your parents decline in health. It's a real eye opening experience about our health system, how we treat senior citizens and how it really sucks to become feeble. And here's my chance to preach about medical marijuana, folks. It's not the old MJ--there's pot now that will just relax your body, ease your pain and make you want to eat and won't make you stoned. I believe it can oftentimes improve the quality of life for those with chronic and acute illnesses.
And I'm getting older too. I now have arthritis, IBS, hypothyroidism, high cholesterol, depression and a hearing deficit. I'm only in my 50s. What will life be like in my 60s, I wonder. I don't want anything else added to this list.
Still, I count myself fortunate. I have three loving cats and one adorable dog, a house, a great volunteer job, some income, solid friendships and an adult daughter who I talk to once or twice a week.
The other day, driving in the car, I thought "Why am I unhappy?" I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I know I'd feel better if I have some in-person friendships here -- people who I could call and say "You want to go to the Boondock's? or "You want to go to lunch?". But my one and only friend here works a ton and can't get together much. Also, my creative spirit needs to be dusted off and used again. I'm happier when I'm writing, creating, cooking, and moving. I also want a part-time paid job and hope to have one by October. Problem is I hate corporate America and want a job I'll be satisfied with. I don't have to love it but I don't want to hate its guts.
Well, that's all for now. Look for more posts coming up (for real!).
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